To Aby: Why El Salvador

     After we got married Jer worked in consulting for three years and then in the pharmaceutical industry for one.  Meanwhile, I got my Masters and became a highschool English teacher.  Then Jer went to INSEAD, an international business school in France.  He went there because we had always wanted to move abroad and we knew that the best international job opportunities would come from there; recruiters come from all over the world to that school as opposed to US business schools. Plus, I was dying to go back to France.  I totally wanted Jeremy to go to INSEAD when he told me about it and where it was.  We had so much fun in France, taking weekend trips to explore the country and we even went to Singapore for two months on an exchange.  Toward the end of his program he got an offer from a pharmaceutical company in Switzerland.  He was days away from signing when he heard about job opportunity in El Salvador. 

     Because he had served his mission in El Salvador he was interested in the job.  I, on the other hand, was very sceptical.  I was very pregnant with twins and had been convincing myself that Switzerland was going to be great. I told him he could fly to El Salvador for the interview, see some of the people from his mission, but that would be it.  Jeremy went and he took the video camera.  When he came back he set himself to selling me on El Salvador.  He showed me video of the malls, houses similar to ones we would live in, and told me all the benefits to moving to El Salvador.  First of all, the job was with an airline so we would receive free plane tickets home and for friends and family to come down (stand-by of course).  Second, the flight to L.A. is only five hours and just three and a half hours to Houston (where Jer's parent's live).  Both flights were obviously much shorter than one from Switzerland would be.  Third, and this was the big closer, I could have a full time maid.  That sounded really good to my pregnant-with-twins ears.  There were some other small things as well.  The weather In El Salvador is very nice year round.   In Basel, Switz they have very cold winters.  Also, because of my Chavez heritage, I love Latin culture and have always wanted to learn Spanish.  German, which they speak in Basel, would have been cool to learn but much more difficult.  Speaking French helped the Spanish to come quickly.

     In retrospect, I see the hand of the Lord in all of this.  I probably would have had 15 nervous breakdowns by now if we had moved to Switzerland.  I felt dreadfully inadequate and ill-prepared to be a mother before having children.  I'm sure those feelings would have only worsened if I always had a messy house and could barely get a decent meal on the table, which would for sure be the case if I didn't have help.  How do you mothers do it without help?  Seriously, you are my heroes.  So I think Heavenly Father is showing me I can do the whole motherhood thing and allowing me to gain confidence in that area (but not too much confidence because he did bless me with twins which keeps things interesting) before expecting me to take on the additional role as homemaker.

     Honestly, I would feel successful in life if I could say I felt I was being a good mom and homemaker.  That is my goal, which for now I am only working to do the first half and that is hard enough.  If during college someone were to have told me her life's goal was to be a good mother and homemaker I would have been embarrassed for that person.  But now I have a better idea of what that means and all that it involves.  And, I feel, for someone like me, who started with what I feel was zero capacity in this area, it will be an amazing feat.  Heavenly Father is teaching me how.  (I'll have to write a post on just how he's teaching me.)

Comments

[Aby Runyan]

Thank you my dear. You are awesome!
I feel VERY certain that you are both an amazing mother and homemaker. But you know, we're all WAY too hard on ourselves. I find myself in tears about this very subject at least once a week. Then I have to look around, at my messy house, and remember all the love and laughter that goes on here. My kids ARE happy, I know it. And I'm sure yours are too. In the end, when I stand before the Lord, I have to wonder if he'll say "Aby, what else really matters??"
luvs, aby

[Meggan]

Oh Fashion, this post made me want to reach through the computer and hug you. I know that you doubted your abilities to be a mother and homemaker, but I have to say that I NEVER DID. You are far more capable and brave than you even realize. I recognized that in the brief time I had with you in Indiana. You are on my list of one of the people I admire most. It's quite obvious to all of us (even those of us that are thousands of miles away) that you are an amazing mother. I just wish I lived closer to see it all :(

[Merinda]

Thanks, Fashion, for the rewind on your life, since I've been out of touch for so long. It's interesting to see the reasons that informed your decision to live in El Salvador. Do you plan to live there indefinitely? It sounds wonderful. Yet as a fellow expat I know that regardless of how wonderful the place you live is, or how easily people can come visit you, you will always be a foreigner and always be away from home. It's never easy, even if you have a maid.

I meant to be an English teacher like you, but got pregnant while I was student teaching in DC and have been stay-at-home mommy ever since. I was surprised at the time how bitter and angry I felt about becoming a mom before I had the chance to even try out that degree I was so adamant about finishing. I knew I was doing the right thing to stay at home, but I had all these feminist issues I didn't even realize I needed to work through until I was stuck at home living the Mormon-American dream with piles of laundry and dirty dishes and not nearly as much patience or homemaking skills as I thought everyone else had.

After nearly six years of being mom and homemaker on my own in America (with a very helpful husband who did most of the dishes and lots of the cleaning), I've now tried out two years in India with our household help doing the cooking, cleaning and laundry. My house might be cleaner than it was before, and there's always dinner on the table, but I don't think I'm a better mom because of it. And I don't think you'd be a worse mom if you were doing the housework either.

Lately I've been trying to do more housework, and I'm finding that I've missed it (and this is coming from someone who hates housework with a passion). And frankly, I think it makes me a better mom when I do. When I'm more involved in the cooking and cleaning, I'm more attuned to what my kids are eating, what they are wearing, what toys they are playing with, and working beside them to get housework done.

Now I'm not saying you should ditch the maid. That's none of my business, and I'm definitely keeping mine in this third-world country. But I do think that there is a reason that mother and homemaker and housekeeper are all considered nurturing, feminine roles. These days as I've been easing myself into more housework and homemaking I feel a bit more fulfilled and comfortable in this noble role I'm filling and trying to understand.

There's my two cents, for what it's worth.

[Stacie Smith]

You probably don't remember but one time in the Atrium Mall we saw a huge photograph of a model in the Anne Taylor Sport (I think) window. You said "That's how I want to dress when I'm a mom." I don't know why that stuck, but I still think of that statement.
I sometimes refer to the memory of that mom-looking model and think how I measure up. Mostly when I'm shopping or looking to get rid of some clothes. It helps me to think a bit more about what my appearance says about me, even though I am at home most days. Not to say I don't just roll out of bed sometimes. I've got to take a break from one responsibility.
Isn't it funny that one comment could really effect me? I am quiet certain you don't even remember saying it!

[Corrie Alonso]

i was curious about how you ended up in el salvador, too. it's an amazing story. it's going to be such a great blessing for your kids to speak more then one language, not to mention the cultural experience. i am so glad i have Elora in a spanish speaking preschool, if we didn't have that i would be tempted to move us all to Mexico. even if i can fly free, too. (i work from home for Jetblue Airways, btw our former boss and founder is taking off to Brazil to open a new airline there where he served his mission. i guess it's big biz down there in central/south america) we don't get nearly enough of the 'cultural' experience here though. at least i have your blog to read and pictures to see regarding that aspect! thanks for sharing!

[Tim Miller--Betsys brother]

Hi Fashion, one word explains why El Salvador and one word alone. PAPUSAs. They are the best food ever. Have some with Pork, beans and cheese, a little cabbage and vinegar or whatever it is and I am set. Fashion you look very good and happy. I wish I was in El Salvador.